Computers (According to Hollywood)

There are a lot of great movies out there. Some of them are quite credible, realistic, and engaging. I enjoy them immensely. But one thing bugs me: Hollywood producers don't seem to know anything about anything electronic.

In most modern-set movies, there will be a scene with a computer. And that computer is making idiotic bleeping noises every time someone presses a button! For me, it destroys the entire realism and believability of the scene when someone's reading a text message on their iPhone and all of a sudden an electronic din fills the room just because they're typing a reply. Directors and screenwriters know that the real world doesn't work that way. But they continue to insist on utterly wrecking the credibility of a potentially awesome scene by inserting corny, tinny beeping sounds into every single computer scene! Why can't movie computers be like real life computers? A pleasant "blinng" here and there when you get a notification is fine. But a constant racket is just obnoxious. Can you imagine if everyones electronics did that? Offices full of computers would be a nightmare.

One thing I've also noticed is that movie characters seem physically unable to operate a computer with a mouse. Seriously.  Everything is apparently controlled by typing, just like in 1985 when all you had was a command line!

(Good guy 1: "Oh, no! Looks like the bad guys are trying to access the main gate! Quick, use the computer system to lock it!"

Good guy 2: "Right away sir! Let me try to navigate through this supposedly modern operating system only by quickly hitting random characters on a keyboard! OK, got it!"

Bad guys: "Rats! Foiled again. It's locked!")

Speaking of bad guys, the go-to strategy for pretty much everything seems to be "hacking". Apparently. anything and everything electronic can be "hacked into". It's the same plot-hole filling spackle used in Star Trek (future technology), and Harry Potter (magic). If you're a good writer, you don't have to rely on stupid crutches like that.

(Movie Writer Bill: "Hey Frank! I think I've written myself into a corner! How am I supposed to get our main characters out of the bad guys lair?"

Movie Writer Frank: "I dunno. Have them hack into the light switches with their phones and sneak past the bad guys. Problem solved."

Bill: "Hmm. Seems legit! Okay!"

Frank: "Fine. Pass me another beer, will ya?")

Another observation is that a computer's interface is almost never true-to-life unless the company is paying for product placement. If anyone else has seen the movie "Independence Day" (if not then look it up on Netflix because it's great), you'll notice that at the end, the entire alien scourge is defeated with an Apple Powerbook 5300! Random coincidence? No. Apple paid for the product placement so that the entire culmination of the film is nothing but a cheap advertisement for a laptop.

So consider this an open letter to every movie director, producer, and screenwriter ever:

STOP IT! Just stop! Get back to reality! It's time to salvage any hope of releasing credible movies! Stop with the beeping. Stop with the keyboard commands. And the product placement. And please, please, please, STOP with the hacking. 

-Me

\\-end of rant-\\