I made a discovery a while ago. Ice cream.
Well, I knew about ice cream before. I just found these little pints of ice cream at Pick 'n Save that are really cheap. So...
I bought some.
It started with four pints. I brought them home and put them in the freezer. My thought was, "I'm going to eat these really slowly and make them last two weeks." Later that day I pulled one out of the freezer. Ten minutes later, I'd eaten the whole pint. I justified it as a fluke and something that would never happen again.
Two days later, there was no more ice cream. None. Why? I'd eaten it all. One thought began to completely consume my consciousness: GET MORE ICE CREAM.
So I did. I went to Pick 'n Save and bought four more pints. Just as I was pulling out of the parking lot, I realized that four was not enough. I pulled a quick U-turn (my apologies to the Prius that was in the oncoming lane) and raced back to the store. I ran to the frozen aisle and swept ten or twelve more pints off of the shelf. With a crazed gleam in my eye, I pushed my cart to the checkout aisle, swiped my debit card, and left, finally satisfied. But not for long.
48 hours later, I was back for more. I ran to the aisle. Grabbed the ice cream. Swiped my card. Went home. Ate the ice cream.
Within a week, it seemed normal. I'd wake up, drive to the store, grab the ice cream, swipe the card, drive home, eat. This was my routine. My life.
Until that fateful Thursday when the credit card machine beeped at me. I was swiping my card and it beeped at me. 'INSUFFICIENT FUNDS', it said. I panicked.
"I'll be right back, Rita", I told the cashier (we were on a first name basis by now). I walked back to my van. I took a sharpie and some cardboard and made a sign that said "THINGS FOR SALE." I then began selling everything in my possession. I sold my phone. And my driver's license. I sold the seats from the back of my van. I sold my clothes to a consignment shop. I even managed to convince a lady named Cindy that an empty Pepsi bottle I found in the back of my van was full of air from the royal wedding. Made $15 off of that.
Finally, dressed in an old garbage bag I found wrapped around a stop sign, I returned triumphantly to Pick 'n Save with $329.87 in small bills and change. I purchased all of the ice cream. ALL of the ice cream.
Fast forward to now. I've finally been released from the hospital. I have a session with a therapist scheduled for every Monday and Thursday in the next three months. Ice cream has stopped consuming my life. I'm finally free.
Please note that the above story is completely false. None of this really happened, with the exception of the fact that I did indeed purchase some ice cream a while ago. But it makes a much better excuse for why I haven't posted in such a long time than "I'm too lazy".
Well, I knew about ice cream before. I just found these little pints of ice cream at Pick 'n Save that are really cheap. So...
I bought some.
It started with four pints. I brought them home and put them in the freezer. My thought was, "I'm going to eat these really slowly and make them last two weeks." Later that day I pulled one out of the freezer. Ten minutes later, I'd eaten the whole pint. I justified it as a fluke and something that would never happen again.
Two days later, there was no more ice cream. None. Why? I'd eaten it all. One thought began to completely consume my consciousness: GET MORE ICE CREAM.
So I did. I went to Pick 'n Save and bought four more pints. Just as I was pulling out of the parking lot, I realized that four was not enough. I pulled a quick U-turn (my apologies to the Prius that was in the oncoming lane) and raced back to the store. I ran to the frozen aisle and swept ten or twelve more pints off of the shelf. With a crazed gleam in my eye, I pushed my cart to the checkout aisle, swiped my debit card, and left, finally satisfied. But not for long.
48 hours later, I was back for more. I ran to the aisle. Grabbed the ice cream. Swiped my card. Went home. Ate the ice cream.
Within a week, it seemed normal. I'd wake up, drive to the store, grab the ice cream, swipe the card, drive home, eat. This was my routine. My life.
Until that fateful Thursday when the credit card machine beeped at me. I was swiping my card and it beeped at me. 'INSUFFICIENT FUNDS', it said. I panicked.
"I'll be right back, Rita", I told the cashier (we were on a first name basis by now). I walked back to my van. I took a sharpie and some cardboard and made a sign that said "THINGS FOR SALE." I then began selling everything in my possession. I sold my phone. And my driver's license. I sold the seats from the back of my van. I sold my clothes to a consignment shop. I even managed to convince a lady named Cindy that an empty Pepsi bottle I found in the back of my van was full of air from the royal wedding. Made $15 off of that.
Finally, dressed in an old garbage bag I found wrapped around a stop sign, I returned triumphantly to Pick 'n Save with $329.87 in small bills and change. I purchased all of the ice cream. ALL of the ice cream.
Fast forward to now. I've finally been released from the hospital. I have a session with a therapist scheduled for every Monday and Thursday in the next three months. Ice cream has stopped consuming my life. I'm finally free.
Please note that the above story is completely false. None of this really happened, with the exception of the fact that I did indeed purchase some ice cream a while ago. But it makes a much better excuse for why I haven't posted in such a long time than "I'm too lazy".